Going my way today.....

So today, nothing seems to be going in anyway, shape or form, like I think it should.  I guess sometimes this is par for the course.  Work wasn't particularly great and I have a house project starting today, not quiet going as expected(but this is day 1).  I have cars to sell, and things to get rid of.  I am working on going through things in the house, preparing.  I just need some answers.  I am working diligently, getting ready for a possible move.  All quiet.  No word.  I need a break from all this.  I want the world to stop and let me off.  I don't know what I'll do, but I need a rest.  I have people in my life that owe me money and I am not happy about the fact they always have an excuse why they can not pay.  I have forgiven most.  I am working on it.  I can't help it if some people are just naturally shitheads.  It happens.  I am just weeding out the crap.

I am left at a crossroads with work.  I am waiting on word, and getting very impatient.  I am working on changing some major parts of life for my family.  We need a change, a fresh outlook.  This is not easy on any of us.

 I have had reoccurring thoughts about going back to church.  I have not felt comfortable in my old church for years.  I have not found a church yet that I feel comfortable in in many years.  So I guess I am going to work on that pursuit.  Now those that know me well, know that I do not feel it necessary to go every Sunday.  I do not believe that I have to dress to the T to go.  God is going to accept me in what ever clothes I show up in.  He will even listen if I talk to him at home.  The point is, is that I believe.  He and I have not been close for a little while. I also believe that he will welcome me back with open arms.

To some extent today, I am kind of rambling.  I have a lot on my mind, and I hope this reads okay for those of you that actually read this.  Today has been a bit of a storm cloud so far.  Not a big nasty one, but the kind that just hangs around and occasionally rains to let you know it is still there.

So here I am, pondering about life and change.  I know that there are no guarantees in anything.  I guess I am left with, if I want to see a change, then I have to do it.  Changes are coming.  And hopefully, my real friends and family will be supportive of whatever happens.  I suppose I will see when the dust settles.

Take a minute today and step back from life and look at things.  I bet we all have a few things that we should focus on versus others.  Take that time.  Quit putting things off for tomorrow.  Live for today.

Thoughtfully.....
Chad

Most expensive hat......

 

 So, continuing from my wall tonight. My wife and I have been going through the excess that we have collected over the years. We have decided to cut back on the "clutter." In doing so, I have found a hat, that cost a lot of money and a couple of friendships. I was in the Marines at the time. Only those close to us know how most of this boiled down, and only four people know how much was at stake. Now, I worked along side a couple other Marines in this garage in our spare time. Now, one couple took the responsibility of "owning" the name and leasing the building. It was only a couple of weeks before I realized that I was the only real mechanic. Now, I had a lot of time and money invested, and I never saw a dime in return. No paycheck, no perks, just this friggin hat. To top off this entire scenario, we made arrangements to have them pay the money back. I think they made one or two payments. Then they left for Wisconsin. Then to my surprise, one of my closer friends stayed in contact with them, and even hung out with them. I still have seen nothing. So here I am with this REALLY expensive hat. yay me!!So as far as I am concerned, consider this bridge burned and the ashes danced in. I have no use for those that try and use me. It would be fantastic if they lose sleep over this, or wonder if I might track them down and recoup. I will wait. the karma train is coming. Too bad I am not close enough to see it run you down. I will work on forgiveness. But in the mean time, I think I will hit the range. Do something semi-destructive. Every Marine is a rifleman.........

Calmly waiting for Karma........

Chad

Inner strength........

Tonight, I've been thinking.  As some of you have heard, and most won't read this and find out, we are moving.  This is a BIG change for us.  My wife and kids and I are going thru some tough times right now.  I do not think that the move is the worst tho.  I think the preparation for the move is the hardest part.  We are moving across the country.  This means downsizing everything.  Those that know me, know I like cars.  I'm cutting most of it loose.  I'm letting go of things that I never thought I would.  I came to a realization one day, that it is just stuff.  Most of it.  Some things that I have have a sentimental meaning.  Most of it tho.......  You get the point.  Now, here is where strength comes in.  We have been going through stuff for the last three weeks.  Setting up garage sale bags.  Sorting through things we have collected.  The easy thing to do is just pitch it all or burn it all and start over.  Sometimes, I want too.  But in the face of adversity, i know that we have to get thru this.  Being strong isn't always about being physically strong.  Sometimes mental strength is harder to come by.  Most people, when faced with fight or flight, choose to fly.  I know that I have to fight for what I believe is right.  I have to face this issue head on, and make it thru this.  For myself and my family's benefit.  I do not know how all the cards play out.  I know that there is no guarantee of tomorrow.  So for now, I live in the moment, love like I have never loved before, and fight like there is no tomorrow......


Until then.... Be strong......

Chad

Communication.....

I know I have not been on in a day or so.  We will see who is watching.  I have been working thru some things.  I have not had a real good thought to share with you all.  So today I spent a little time thinking.  Here is what I have for today.  Life is about communication.  One can not know what someone else is thinking or doing without it.   I have reverted back to my old self that just puts it out there.  It is much easier to be straight forward and upfront than to have to deal with being nice and careful, then deal with the ramifications later of hurting someone's feelings.  I like the old me much better.  There is a lot less gray area.  People know where I stand on almost anything.  I have to say that being back in Ashtabula for ten years squashed that part of me that was truly open.  I got to a point where I would just bottle up what I was feeling or what I thought because I might damage someone, or this person might hear.  I am so over that.  I am at a point where I can let it loose and tell what I think again.  It is kind of liberating.  I tell those that mean the most up front.  People that have wronged us, I have let slide with not a word.  Now, I say it how it is.  I hated what I have become here.  It is part of the reason I left after high school.  So my words of wisdom for tonight........
Talk, be upfront, tell the truth.  One of my previos quotes I like stated, the truth my hurt now, but a lie hurts forever.  Tell it like it is.  Stop worrying about what someone will think.  People should and will accept you for who you are, not who you pretend to be.  So be honest.  It is much easier to just be straight forward.  Sometimes it is a little scary if you over think it.  I know.  But people will respect you more for letting them know where you stand.

Till next time....
Truthfully......
Chad

Truth........

I wasn\'t going to write tonight, but after three beers, I had an idea.
Truth is something that everyone wants , but most of the time, they really don\'t want to hear. Now where I am going with this is here: alcohol sometimes helps one bridge that gap between being afraid to tell the truth and blatantly throwing it out there. Now I am not saying to get get drunk and let it all hang out. My suggestion is this: just tell the truth. No matter how hard.


This quote is absolute. There is no better truth than that. Lies hurt forever. The truth hurts now and then passes. I would rather hear the truth than wonder or question. I have recently re-prioritized my life. Decided what is important and what is not. In this I have become more honest about how I feel with those that are important to me. It is a tough life lesson. The theory that the truth shall set you free is right. Being honest up front saves heartache in the future. It works in all facets of life. Telling someone where they stand can solve many problems later. So be truthful and deal with it now rather than later.....

Just being honest.....
Chad

Independence day.....

Today it the anniversary if our country's birth. Today we new to reflect on what that means and where we are going. I heard on the radio this morning, people were thankful for our freedoms. Keep that in mind. As it is, right now, our government is working on over stepping their boundaries on governing. First it's healthcare. Next our right to bare arms. What's after that? What next? How far are we as a society going to let them go? People talk about the end of the world this year. I think it's the end of the world as you know it. Either we can vote in favor of retaining our rights, or we are going to fight to get them back. Think about this. Two hundred thirty six years ago we fought to get these freedoms. Want to do it again? It's coming.

My post here tonight is not to give my readers the idea of impending doom. I just want you to think. Be questioning, don't accept things as "we can't do anything to stop it." That is not how this great country was founded. So on this night of celebration and rememberance, think about what you are doing. Think about what is coming, and what has happened. Remember how we got here. So if you enjoy your freedoms, thank a veteran or active duty military member. Cherish those moments with friends and family. Most of all be safe and enjoy this Fourth of July.....

Semper Fi.......

Chad

Support from the past.......

So tonight I sit here by the fire pit out back.  I am burning all the excess paperwork and other stuff that I normally wouldn't put in the trash.  I decided to take a box out that I haven't seen in almost twenty years.   It was a box of graduation cards.   My intent was to make sure I hadn't missed anything in any envelope.  Well... I didn't miss anything.   Darn.  But what I didn't expect was some words to come back and goof me up.  I sat there with a card in hand.  Staring at it.  It was from my grandfather.  The words were something to the effect of "Through all your dreams and future endeavors, I will be behind you always." I had a real hard time putting that one down.  My grandfather has been gone for four years now this fourth of July.  And to think he has been there, behind me, supporting me.  Always.  Through a somewhat lax and troubled youth, to college, to the Marines, out of the Marines, back to Ashtabula, getting married to the love of my life, and two kids.  He never judged me, he always backed me in what ever I did, looking for whatever piece of me was missing.  At one point in life, he said to me at the kitchen table as I normally found him.  He said "I have no words of wisdom for you.   I didn't live the life you have and the situations you have been thru."  This hit me hard.  No one in my goofy ass family had.  I was kind of a loaner.  I was the step kid, the broken family child.  My sisters had it much better.  I roamed the streets, hung out at Chris' house.  I had plenty of other mothers that knew where I was.  But it wasnt till much later that I realized I was really different and I could have turned out much worse.  I always looked for that stability that I never really had.  The Marines was where I found some of that.  Then I was turned on by a jack off warrent officer.  So much for stability.  So this has all led me to where I am now....

I think I have turned out to be a pretty good father.  I love my kids.  I hope that I can instill in them all the wisdom of my grandfather.  I made a vow to myself many years ago, to not let my kids have the same life I did.  I WILL be there for them.  I want to see them start school and play sports or band or whatever their hearts desires are.  I came to a conclusion recently...... all the "things" I have had in my life, that I looked for my "missing" piece in, shallow in comparison to my family living in my house.  They are my world, my stability, my happiness.  So today, tomorrow, whatever fits your life schedule, take some time to let those that ground you, those that make you whole, how much you care and appreciate them in your life.  Let them know before you don't have that chance.  Tomorrow is no guarantee.........